Sunday night is a breeding ground for aggression and confrontation in this house. Unlike the more intelligent portion of the human population who spends their weekends actively accomplishing things, Sara and I rather embark upon a ~40 hour adventure of listlessness. The sloth at times reaches a degree of soliciting a wrathful hand from divine to rightfully smite us. As such, on Sunday nights there is always so much shit to do any not nearly enough time (and even less patience). Mix 1 part of this with 2 parts of loathing the forthcoming work week and we have conditions in play for a perfect storm.

Enter Tuesday’s With Dorie.

What do you mean you’re not going to do TWD this week? Oh really? I don’t care if they relaxed the participation requirements. Don’t you care about the blog, our readers, our online image? Oh well if you want me to write more posts then I will, but that is a completely separate subject. This sounds absolutely delicious. I don’t care if it’s “3 pages long” it can’t possibly be that complicated.

(finishes beer and spitefully throws it into recycling bin - at least I’m an eco-conscious asshole)

Well you wanna know something? If it’s in this “simple baking book” there is no reason I can’t make it to perfection. In fact, I’d venture to say it would be THE BEST TWD post this week if I make it. Besides, you know, men are highly underrepresented in the TWD group. Most of the greatest bakers of ALL TIME are men. I’ve been meaning to do something about this for a long time. Quotes Joepastry “if a man feels like whipping up a nice almond cocoa genoise or a few madeleines, well…he should be able to.” FINE! You go to the grocery store alone, I am going to stay home and work on this, because unlike you, I CARE ABOUT THE BLOOOOOGGGGG!!!!

Follow up:

Lesson 1: Do not be such a braggart when you are only 80% sure you are right. Sure, most of the time everything is just dandy. On the other hand when it turns out you are irrefutably wrong, you look like a complete ass/moron/etc.

Lesson 2: Don’t try to build a house with a few tack hammers and some screws. If you don’t have the right equipment, you are going to fail ~99% of the time.

See my not right tools above. My professional pastry bag (1 gal ziploc bag w/tip attached) and my far too large cake circle for tracing the shape on to parchment. Oh wait, I didn’t tell you, I decided, instead of Dorie’s drab suggestion of spreading the dacquoise onto 3 equal rectangular shapes, to rather take a more traditional approach and pipe it into a disk.

My round was too large. The circle didn’t fit on to my half sheet pan. I tried to pipe one out roughly by hand any way.

This is a post modern interpretation of a circle. Just because Euclidean geometry has proven time and time again that a circle is symmetrical when bisected from any angle, does not me that I have to adhere to just archaic ideals. NOTE: For good measure I also purposely left some space between a few of the layers. This was not, as it may appear due to problems with the piping bag, and was in fact part of the master plan.

This dacquoise disk was filed promptly in the garbage.

Here you see my second ever attempt at piping a circular dacquoise disk. This time, I decided I wanted to go for a significantly higher degree of classicism in my disk. As you can see I still took some creative license as to the final shape. I’m calling this one: “The Pregnant Circle,” and I am quite proud of it’s success.

Oh wait, I am totally BSing you. It was not round enough to make me happy, though if you notice it is much MUCH better (I’m gonna say roughly 3X) than my first ever try. No space between the lines, perfectly baked and ready to go.

Lesson 3

DO not, I repeat DO NOT REMOVE ANY BAKED ITEM FROM PARCHMENT PAPER UNTIL IT HAS COMPLETELY COOLED UNLESS 1) you are specifically told to do so in a recipe or 2) you are absolutely ambivalent, nay routing for the complete destruction of your work.

After the major crack, I attempted to reconcile the circular problem by placing (the lightest) bowl I could find over top and use a very sharp knife to trim off the waste. As you can probably well tell, this was about 50% effective. Had I been in possession of the aforementioned appropriately sized cake round (see lesson 2) I most surely would’ve been able to pull off this delicate operation without fail. Unfortunately, I did not, and the bowl I had moved slightly in the process, cracking the dacquoise into multiple pieces like so many shards of my heart.

To summarize, this recipe was awesome and would’ve been totally good in any shape. I smashed the dacquoise into bitty pieces in a fit of frustration, amongst a slew of cursing and tossing of some kitchen items, I then brought it into my work this morning where my ravenous co-workers devoured the entire thing forthright. I would make this again just for the dacquoise cookies.

In my defense, I self-proclaim best TWD post this week (possibly ever) making this fall into the 80% of the time where I was right.